Amber Neal Presents

Musings of a Matchmaker, Comedienne and Media Maven

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How to tell if you are in a serious relationship or whether to let them go.

  • You would rather be with them.
  • You start saying “we” instead of “I”.
  • You answer on their behalf.
  • You start having more “couples” as friends versus singles.
  • You love hearing stories of when you fell in love
  • You no longer care if they check your phone, email or leave stuff at your house because you no longer have anything to hide.
  • If you get tickets to an event, you take them instead of your best friend.
  • You think of them being in your future.
  • You start thinking about condensing furniture to live together.
  • You have met the family and you want your families to get along.
  • You picture yourself growing old together.

 

On the other hand, know when to walk away.

  1. Believe him if he says he does not want to be committed. You can’t change his mind. No he won’t see how wonderful you are over time and change his mind.
  2. If they give you a challenge of “I don’t think I will ever meet MR or MS RIGHT…..they want you to kill yourself proving you are just that – with little or no emotional investment of their own.
  3. Ladies you may love the strong, silent type but if he says he doesn’t like to discuss his feelings, and you like to talk a lot, you will be miserable in this relationship.
  4. They wont change. Don’t take pity for feel challenged to show them a happier life can exist with you

Are You in A Rebound Relationship?

  • BE AWARE OF HOW YOU VIEW YOUR NEW MATE.
  • BE AWARE OF HOW YOU COMMUNICATE
  • FIGURE OUT THE REASONS YOU ARE WITH THIS PERSON
  • HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE YOUR LAST RELATIONSHIP?

If you just  got out of a serious relationship and are already in a new one, then you may very well be rebounding.

If your last relationship ended on good terms and was short-lived, then this new relationship may not be a rebound.

Let it burn, trust me it is worth it. It is better to take time and heal than to take that baggage into your next relationship because it will be over before it starts. Don’t start a new relationship until you aren’t going to punish the new person for what the last person did to you.

Another thing to consider is what the two of you spend the most time talking about!

Are you talking more about the past than the future? Not a good sign. This is probably a rebound. However, I have seen couples that were dating and knew they were both fresh out of relationships and stayed “friends” with no pressure and eventually some of them worked out as a couple.

Think about the circumstances under which the two of you got together.  Falling in love with the person you spent your time complaining and crying to about  your ex is probably a disaster waiting to happen.  A new relationship is one that focuses on the present and future and no so much on the past.

Lastly, think about how often you think about your ex and the feelings associated with these thoughts. If you can not say your ex’s name or see something that reminds you of him without hurting, wanting to throw dishes, or crying, then this is a sign that you are not over him. If you are not over your ex, then you are probably in a rebound relationship.

The Ups and Down of Dating

Dating is a process that a lot of us can live without, and it sometimes can seem like an emotional roller coaster trying to date new people with our busy schedule. That is where a MatchMaker comes in. My job is to help you identify what you like, break off negative patterns that may keep you in the same vicious cycle of meeting the same type of person over and over again! The most important thing a MatchMaker does is stretches you to be more flexible in your choices. So what if he’s a couple inches shorter than you like? So what if he lives 30 minutes out of the way? So what if she didn’t go to the right school? Sometimes we are so picky that we miss out on a lot of good people. Dating is hard enough without adding unrealistic expectations.

It is however, important that you understand dating ups and downs just go with the territory. As long as you are prepared, you can enjoy the ride a lot more! Here are some dating frustrations that many of us have gone through that can be avoided.

1) I got caught up in the moment and we kissed and then I never heard from them again!

Don’t beat yourself up over this one. There are many reasons the person didn’t call back, that don’t always have to do with you! So what, it’s just a kiss, good thing you found out now that they were a flake before anything else happened!

2) You are the 1st person to send the “had a great time” text the next morning and again, no reply!

I’m sure everyone had a great time, but maybe “IT” wasn’t there for them. Again, this is when you need to keep it moving.

3)NO MENTAL POST DATE RECAP ABUSE!

Don’t spend your time TORTURING yourself or your friends going over and over the date to see what could have went wrong if they don’t call back. You will never know what they are thinking unless they call and if they don’t – move ON to the NEXT ONE!!!!

4) No Voice Mail Obsession please! You’ve recorded your voice mail and listened to it about 8 to10 times. Keep it simple. “Last night was fun, I have a really funny story to share with you when you call” – keep it LIGHT.

5) Honestly, who cares what they think?Don’t change who you are. I find that people are always sending their “representative” to the date and then they wonder why things fall apart in 3 months. BE YOURSELF. Maybe they have the same quirks as you. You just might be surprised at how great it feels to be accepted for who you are not who you think they want you to be.

6) Never, I repeat NEVER give your power away to another person. Whatever issues this person has that causes them not to call you back, that is their issue. You never get your worth from another HUMAN being. You may have to toughen up a little if you are dating because rejection also goes with the territory. You are only compatible with 3% of the people you meet, so odds are they wont like you. That’s not a bad thing, it just means you have to kiss some frogs to find your prince unless you have a MatchMaker filtering the candidates for you.

7)You have to BE what you WANT. So many people have unrealistic expectations for themselves as well as their dates. Your 350 credit score and his 350 credit score is not how you get to 700. Are you offering what you are demanding? Time to do a gut check. Are there any areas of your life that you are expecting things that you aren’t giving?

At the end of the day, you don’t have to hold onto a date or relationship that isn’t working for you. It really is NOT the end of the world if they don’t work out. You have options. Stop telling yourself that this is the best you can do. Do not settle. However in order not to settle, you have to know what you want. Take some time between relationships to find out what you like and be honest with yourself about what you NEED from a partner and identify if you are giving those same things. Take your time. Dating is casual until you get into a relationship so stop acting like this date will make or break your life. It’s JUST a date. There are plenty more where that came from. RELAX.

There are two simple rules you can live by that will make your life simple.

1) People do what they want to do. Stop making excuses for them. If they don’t call, MOVE ON.

2) People do what you let them.

Apply these two rules and you will save yourself a lot of headache and heartache! It’s when we IGNORE these rules is when we get our heart in trouble!

<3, The MatchMaker Amber Neal

http://www.facebook.com/thematchmakeramberneal